Writing about my commute to work on Saturday, made me think of my very first commute to the city for work. That day they were shutting down the ‘smaller’ bridge that I normally take, so I left two hours before my start time to ensure that I wouldn’t be late.
I knew I was in trouble when the line of traffic was backed up to Fairview Heights. (Probably about 15 miles from downtown.) And we were not moving.
I muttered a little under my breath, but I wasn’t worried yet.
20 minutes and only 1 mile later, I began to worry. I hate being late… especially to work… and on my first day! Not a good impression.
To make matters worse, I was beginning to feel the need to pee. I’d been sipping on coffee the whole time, and didn’t take in to consideration that my drive in was going to be twice as long – if not more.
So there I was, inching along in traffic, and focusing on my bladder. Probably not the best option since that tends to make it worse, but it was all I could think about.
I called my husband. In his very supportive way, he says “What were you thinking? Drinking coffee when you know you are going to have a long drive?”
Thanks, Honey… (ugh)
I ask him if there are any faster options – and as I explained in my previous blog – there are no other options. So he offers his advice to not think about it…. and wishes me luck.
By this time I had made it onto the bridge, but we were moving so slow, and all I could think about was my bladder. I kept racking my brain for all options available – and even considered just getting out of the car and peeing over the side of the bridge. (I am not kidding. It was that bad.)
Then all of a sudden it occurred to me that I had a plastic bucket in my lunch box……. yep….. that was the answer.
I dumped my lunch into the soft part of the bag, and took out the bucket. I had no idea how I was going to maneuver this, but I knew I was going to have to try. Keep in mind that I drive a stick shift, and the traffic did inch along occasionally so I needed to keep one foot on the clutch and the other on the brake.
First, I grabbed my jacket to put over my lap (cuz the truckers lucky enough to be next to me would have a not-so-flattering view otherwise). Then I wiggled outa my pants just enough and sat on the bucket.
By this time I was laughing at myself, and trying not to hit the person in front of me – or keep the people behind me from honking cuz I wasn’t moving when there was a chance.
At one point, my car stalled (hmm.. musta let my foot off the clutch a little too far), but luckily it didn’t matter because we were on a slight downhill, so I was able to just inch forward by letting off the brake.
I relieved myself enough that I would be able to wait until I got into the hotel. Then I put the bucket on the floor, pulled up my pants, and restarted my car.
It was still another 20 minutes or so before I got into work, and I still had to rush to the bathroom, but I felt sooo much better. (In case you are wondering, I dumped the whole bucket in the trash can once I was in the garage.)
I ended up being 30 minutes late for work…. but at that time, I was just so relieved to be there. I, of course, did not tell this story to any of my coworkers – so some are finding this out for the first time – but the story is too funny to not share with others.
Hope you were able to laugh at my expense. My bowling friends, who I told the story to right away, were kind enough to buy me a fire-box with a diaper inside that I can break in an emergency. They presented it to me a few weeks later on my 40th birthday. Too funny!