I’m being scheduled very few hours at work.
My bowling average has dropped 20 pins this year.
My motorcycle is getting dusty.
And I am bummed.
I’ve been at home a lot lately. No energy to go out – too cold anyway. No desire to do the laundry stacking up. No ambition to clean out the basement or closets that have been piling up with junk. No hankering to go out at night with friends. No eagerness to even bowl. **WHAT?**
And all this aversion has been bumming me out even more. To the point where most days I have just wanted to bury my head in the
snow sand mud, and let life just pass me by.
I knew I needed to figure out why I’ve been feeling this way, and quickly. And a few weeks ago it occurred to me.
I haven’t been EARNING my couch time!
I am very much a go-getter type of person. I don’t like to sit still. I yearn for busy-ness. I crave physical activity. I like to go, go, go.
That’s difficult to do around here in the winter. But when cold, dreary weather is paired with having very few hours at work. And the hours I do get are s-l-o-w and feel somewhat meaningless, it’s no wonder I’m depressed.
I thrive on working extremely hard, either physically or mentally, throughout the day, so that when I sit down on the couch at night, with my laptop, a huge bowl of ice cream, and the food network on TV, I can say
“aahh…. It feels so good to sit down and relax.”
What’s funny, is that I preach this to the kids all the time. They get lost in their world of video games and TV and have no real purpose, so they just keep wasting their day away. However, when they’ve had a grueling week of band camp, or a long day at work, or a cool helmet making project or hidden knife project to work on, they’re excited and feel good about themselves. And I always point that out to them – how having a purpose and working hard is extremely rewarding.
And yet, I couldn’t see it in my own self.
But now I have. So I’ve made an extreme effort to not just laze away my days off, and instead, make sure I’m doing things that will make me feel good about sitting on the couch at night. And when I am determined to do something…. it gets done.
And today was one of those days! (We were busy at work – yahoo!!) So, I will be dragging my butt to the couch, (just like I want) with my array of guilty pleasures and know that I have EARNED them.
And, Aaahh! It’ll feel good to finally sit down and relax!