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Whew. That Was Close.

14 Sep

I checked my phone after working the late shift the other night, and not surprisingly I had a text from Mario.  She’ll usually send me texts after school, knowing I won’t get them til later.  But there are some things she just wants me to know.

This time, she wanted me to know that she had asked Nick to be her confirmation sponsor, and he said yes.  She wanted to know if this is okay with me.

It’s probably best she sent this via text, because my immediate response was NOOOO!

Nick is a 16 year old boy.  so NO!

I have never met Nick. so NO!

I have a feeling Nick may like you or you may like him.

So NOOOO!  He is not going to be your sponsor!

That’s what I wanted to shout at her.  But Mario is 14.  And a girl.  If I’m not careful how I respond to her in person, I could risk her coming to me for advice in the future.

So instead I told her I would like to talk to her about Nick.  I asked her why she thought he would be a good sponsor.  I asked her if she liked him as more than a friend.  I asked her if he liked her.

I felt immediate relief when I found out that she just thought of him as another friend.  And that Nick actually likes Sophie anyway. She told me he was in the same religious youth group as one of her other friends, and she feels comfortable talking about religion with him.

I also found out she had asked her 18 year old brother, Chip, first.  He told her he was honored but he didn’t think he was the right person for the job.

As she talked, I felt better, but I still didn’t feel comfortable with Nick as her sponsor.  I view it as a commitment, and when you’re 14 and 16, and not related already, you shouldn’t be in a commitment.  No matter what kind it is.

I found my “out” when she informed me he wasn’t Catholic.

I asked her to talk to her religion teacher and make sure he was eligible to be her sponsor.  She balked at the idea, because she didn’t want to hear the answer she was afraid might be coming.  But to my surprise, she asked the next day.

She was disappointed for sure, when she found out he had to be Catholic.  I was elated, since I wouldn’t have to be the one to say no.

More than anything, I am proud of her for doing the right thing by asking.  Sure, they may never have found out that he’s not Catholic, but she realized that deceiving them wasn’t the right thing to do.

I’m thinking I’ll be able to talk her into asking her much older girl cousin to be her sponsor. Unless I can talk Chip into saying yes.  After all, I am totally impressed with the young adult he’s becoming.

Either way, I’m wiping my brow.

But I’m afraid this will be an easy situation compared to what’s coming up.

Terri, Help!  I don’t think I’m ready to be a mom of a teenage girl!

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13 Comments

Posted by on September 14, 2012 in Family, Parenting

 

Tags: , , , ,

13 responses to “Whew. That Was Close.

  1. territerri

    September 14, 2012 at 1:24 am

    Well it looks to me like you’re doing just great! Not all teenage daughters make it so easy on their moms. Mario has a good head on her shoulders. She came to you. She opened the door to communication. You handled the whole situation with utmost consideration for her fragile teenage ego. I’d say you’ll be just fine!

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

      She really is a good girl and seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I’m just nervous about the upcoming dating years, and it scared me to think she might like a 16 year old, or that he might like her. I just hope I can continue keeping my emotions out of our conversations so that she continues to talk to me about things, and I hope to remain open and willing to listen to her thoughts so she feels respected.
      But it’s SO hard! I’m glad you have confidence in me. :/

       
  2. Rock Chef

    September 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    My advice re-teenage girls. Make it common knowledge that you own a baseball bat and aren’t affraid to use it. 🙂

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 15, 2012 at 4:47 am

      Reminds me of that country song where the dad says he’ll just be waiting on the porch, cleaning his gun, until they get home.
      Was it harder for you as a Dad? You shoulda seen the look on my hubby’s face when I told him what she wanted. I don’t think he would have been able to contain his “NOOO!” He would’ve just blurted it out on the spot.

       
  3. Abby

    September 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Funny, I was just talking with a neighbor mom along these lines. They have two older boys and I could relate to everything they’re dealing with. Then they’ve got these too little girls and I feel so clueless! I mean, I WAS one, but it’s different being on the mom end of things now. I think things worked out well in this situation. And you’re smart enough to know that there’ll be more.

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 15, 2012 at 4:57 am

      After dealing with boys for so many years, it’s quite different raising a girl. I could tell it right away. She was a little more whiny and got her feelings hurt very easily.
      I’m happy I had the time to think about my response. I was able to put myself in her shoes since I totally remember being 14. I remember feeling like I was old enough to make decisions. Maybe I was or wasn’t, but I felt like I should be able to. So I wanted to give her that chance before I just came right out and told her no.
      I am so thankful I have a daughter, but I’m more thankful that I only have one.

       
  4. meleahrebeccah

    September 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    “and when you’re 14 and 16, and not related already, you shouldn’t be in a commitment.  No matter what kind it is.”

    I agree with that wholeheartedly.

    And *whew* for NOT having to be the one to shut her down!

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 15, 2012 at 4:59 am

      WHEW is right! I didn’t want to be the bad guy. :/

       
  5. towardshealthylife

    September 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    You impressed me with mother skills! I hope I will do as good as you when it’s time…can we stop time when they reach 12? If not maybe I will come to you for advice 🙂

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 15, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      Well, let’s see how I do first. You very well may want to go somewhere else for advice. Or perhaps learn what NOT to do! 🙂

       
  6. agg79

    September 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    That’s one of the downsides of parenthood. Sometimes you gotta play the bad guy to you kids when you really don’t want to. Since I have limited reference with only one kid (boy), I cannot offer much advice except what Rock said. I think you did a good job of “redirecting” her request to a “higher authority”.

     
    • shadowrun300

      September 16, 2012 at 10:38 pm

      Redirecting to a higher authority…. 🙂 I wonder if I can keep doing that. Then I’m never the “bad guy”. I don’t want to be as strict as my dad was, yet I want her to know there are limitations.
      By the way, I met Nick a few days later, and she was right. He really IS into Sophie. But still – he cannot be her sponsor!

       
  7. Jules

    October 8, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Nicely done! I know nothing about parenting, but I’d say you did awesome!

     

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