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Relief

28 Oct

I managed to survive another 7 day stretch of work… if you can call having only one melt down “surviving”.

It happened the morning of my 6th day. I’d just finished breakfast and knew I should be heading to the shower to get ready… again.

Suddenly I was overcome with stress.  I’d rather not relive it all, but basically, I felt completely overwhelmed.  Amp is still struggling with organizational skills and his grades are reflecting that.  Link has been diagnosed with some severe eye problems.  The house is in shambles and we are expecting company in a few days.  And I had to go to work.  AGAIN.

My hubby tried to be sympathetic, but even he couldn’t contain his feelings.  He bluntly told me that something needs to change.  I allowed myself a good cry, and then showered, put on my happy face and proceeded to work.

When I awoke yesterday morning, I quickly assessed what I was supposed to be doing.  Imagine the relief I felt when I realized it wasn’t work!  I had planned a long run for the morning, but I could only manage 7 miles – and that was tough.  As I was stretching on the driveway afterwards, I couldn’t help but think how inviting the concrete looked.  I easily could have laid down on the cold surface and slept.

Instead, I plopped my behind in my breakfast chair and sat there until it was time to take my daughter bowling.

Things got much better after that.  I came home to our guests.  Hubby had the smoker going.  I whipped up my favorite corn bread muffins and coleslaw, and before long we were having a fantastic pulled pork dinner.

Then this morning, over coffee, hubby and I talked.  We’ve got some hard decisions to make and some big changes ahead of us, but for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of relief.  My kids need me, and I need to be able to take care of them.  I can’t do that by working so far away, for so many hours a day, and for so many days a week. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and when I am at home, I just want to hide from it all.

I feel renewed at this point.  I have another 3 days off of work, and plan to do some soul searching and job searching. Hubby plans to do the same.  It’ll take time, but it’s a relief to know that change is in the works.

First things first, however….

I’ve got some baking to do, and a brand new KitchenAid mixer to try out!  Happy Birthday to me!

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17 Comments

Posted by on October 28, 2012 in Blunders, Everyday Living, Family, The Hotel

 

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17 responses to “Relief

  1. Sandi

    October 28, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Wishing you all the best with the job hunting!

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

      Thank you, Sandi. It’s difficult trying to figure out what I want to do, where I want to work, but it’s a relief to admit that I can’t continue to be where I’m at.

       
  2. Abby

    October 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Well… I’m glad to hear this. I work part-time and all relatively close to home, so your schedule just SOUNDS stressful to me. Soul searching is a good thing (I know a good life coach… ahem). You’ve got marketable skillz, I hope the search reaps good results!

    Meanwhile… Happy Birthday!

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

      I’ve always been envious of your part-time schedule. And the fact that you have a life coach.
      In order for me to quit, or go part-time, or even change jobs, my hubby has to go back to work. He’ll have to give up building his business full time, and that kinda bothers me. But I can’t keep going like I am. There aren’t enough mud runs out there to keep me sane.
      Thanks for the birthday wishes! 🙂

       
  3. territerri

    October 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Happy Birthday and congrats on scoring a Kitchen-Aide! I love mine! I know you’ll put yours to good use.

    I’m so sorry that things are so stressful right now. It’s a horrible feeling to become so overwhelmed and not know how to fix it. It sounds like you and your hubby had a good talk. As hard as it may be to make certain decisions, clearly you both have the family’s and each other’s best interests at heart.

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

      Today turned into a “Dumb Sunday” to use Abby’s term, so I never did get my KitchenAid out. Tomorrow for sure though!
      Liking the work I do isn’t enough to offset all the negatives that go along with it. That’s been hard for me to accept, which is why my husband was so blunt, I suppose. I’m happy (now) that he was, because like I said, I feel greatly relieved. Along with that, though, I have a lot of guilt, especially where Link and Amp are concerned. We’re on the right track though.

       
  4. agg79

    October 29, 2012 at 2:26 am

    Happy Birthday and congrats on the new kitchen hardware. Something about getting new toys to play with always makes the birthday seem magical. Hope you get to test out the new gadgets soon with some new and exciting treats.

    And I hope you are able to resolve the stress you are under right now. No job is worth all of the headaches if you don’t really love it. I know that ya’ll will find a solution to all that stress you are under right now. To me, running is the best way to relieve stress (aside of drinking heavily). Run another mile and I hope you are able to keep you sane . Happy birthday and I hope you enjoy your day.

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

      Running definitely helps when I’m stressed. But Saturday, after working 7 days in a row, I was exhausted. Halfway during my run, I wanted to lay down and sleep! 🙂
      I’m lucky to have a husband who’s okay with making the hard decisions and accepting change. He’ll be able to continue his business part time, but I’m still a little sad that he may have to go back to “work”. And I’ll continue to work, but it’ll be closer to home and maybe part-time. So I’m back to trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!

       
  5. meleahrebeccah

    October 29, 2012 at 3:12 am

    “but I could only manage 7 miles” Um… that’s still awesome.

    And I TOTALLY understand feeling so overwhelmed causing a meltdown. And after working 6 days in a row, I would have cried too.

    “My kids need me, and I need to be able to take care of them.  I can’t do that by working so far away, for so many hours a day, and for so many days a week. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and when I am at home, I just want to hide from it all.”

    I’m glad you and the hubby had a good talk. And I am glad you have a plan to reprioritize things in your life so you can breathe again.

    Enjoy those 3 days OFF!

    And OMG!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 29, 2012 at 1:03 pm

      7 miles was pretty good, but I was wishing I wouldn’t have been so tired. With the half marathon coming up, I wanted to see if I could get another mile or so in. 🙂
      I know YOU understand about meltdowns. A girl can only manage so much stress, as you know.
      And thanks for the birthday wishes! It was actually the 24th, but it kinda just passed by what with all the working I was doing! I’m just now celebrating!

       
      • meleahrebeccah

        October 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm

        I’m glad your are finally celebrating! XOXOXO

         
  6. Rock Chef

    October 29, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Happy Birthday!

    Striking that balance between work and family is always hard, especially for women. Hope you get things worked out soon.

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 29, 2012 at 1:05 pm

      Thank you RC! With my kids a little older, I thought I was ready to go to work full time, and work crazy hours. Turns out that even though they are older, they still need their mom, and I still need them. I don’t need the perfect job necessarily. Right now I just want more time.

       
  7. The Thin Lady Inside

    October 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Happy Birthday Shadow! Uncertainty is the worst! So I am glad at least you talked to your hubby, your thoughts are clearer and I am sure you’ll take the right steps to take care of your priorities in life! 🙂 That meal sounded amazing btw!

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 30, 2012 at 1:53 am

      Thanks for the birthday wishes!
      I’m glad my hubby brought it up, otherwise I’d still be “hiding” from my troubles… and it wouldn’t be long before I had another meltdown. Why is it we feel the need to be Wonder Woman and do it all? Especially me, because if I have expectations for myself and don’t meet them, I am extremely hard on myself. I need to learn to not have such high expectations, and to be honest about what I am capable of doing.
      And the meal WAS amazing! A nice treat after such a hard week! 🙂

       
  8. towardshealthylife

    October 30, 2012 at 3:45 am

    I wish you the best for your job hunt, who nows you might find a nice part time job closer to home. I am glad your are going to stop those crazy hours, crazy commute and crazy long work-week. On top of that you still needed to take care of your kids and household, no wonder you were feeling stressed and had a meltdown! Happy birthday and I hope you find the right work-life balance soon 🙂

     
    • shadowrun300

      October 30, 2012 at 2:39 pm

      Thank you for the good wishes! Part time and/or closer to home would be heavenly. A set schedule would even be heavenly. I like what I do, I’m glad I did it, but it’s time to move on!

       

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