Am I ready for this?

20 Aug

Driving home from work today, I turned the final corner and gazed up our quiet street.

Not one car was in the driveway.  Not. One.

True, Amp was at a friends, and Hubby was at a gig, but Link’s car no longer occupied its usual spot, and Chip’s has been gone for about a week now.

Seeing the completely empty driveway made me fully comprehend what is happening. My kids are growing up and moving out.  What made me think I was ready for this?

A few days ago we visited Chip in his new place, just 10 minutes from us.  He’s so proud of his old, run down trailer and happily showed us around.  His bed was made, his clothes were hung up, and his floor was free of dirty dishes.  (NOW, he keeps his room clean.)  We got to meet the two cats he and his friend recently adopted, and we listened eagerly as he told us about the adult things he was doing – setting up a PO box, getting the internet hooked up, switching electric, gas, and water into his name – and all the while we’ve done a pretty good job of letting  him be.

But as we left, I hugged him like I may never see him again.  I used to go days without talking to him while he was at home, but now that he’s out, I find myself wanting to speak with him all the time.

And Link!  Sheesh!  I literally could not wait for him to move out!  (For his sake, not mine.)  Yet when I was saying my goodbyes to him, I started crying.  I tried to explain  that I really am excited for him….., and I know this is a great opportunity…., but it kind of loses it’s meaning when it’s said between sobs.  As I type this, he is probably just entering Ohio.  I hope he remembers to text me once he’s in his new “home”, but if not, I will remember Abby’s advice not to helicopter.  He’s almost 21 after all….

Then Mario posted on her FB page that she can still remember her first day of kindergarten and now she’s starting high school.  I knew she was starting high school, but I didn’t KNOW she was starting high school.  I mean, it never really hit me that my baby was growing up until she posted that.    I didn’t think my heart could sink any more.

In the midst of all these changes I’m trying to bake and frost 10 2-layer cakes after coming off a stretch of working 11 out of 12 days.   I’ve only had one meltdown, and of that I am proud.  However, the cakes are due Thursday so the chances of another one will increase dramatically in the next few days.  

I’ve accepted imperfection in the cakes, though, which has helped ease some of the pressure I feel.  And I’ve reminded my co-worker I’m not a professional so the cakes will not look exactly like the cakes she’s showing me in the pictures, and that has eased some of my stress.  AND I finally threw out a number for how much I thought I should charge and she didn’t cringe.  Whew.  Things are looking up.

But when the madness slows down at the end of the week, I’m afraid the the quietness of the house is going to hit hard.

Yeah, I’m not sure I’m ready for this…


Posted by on August 20, 2013 in Everyday Living, Family, Parenting


Tags: , , ,

16 responses to “Am I ready for this?

  1. Rock Chef

    August 20, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    It is hard to adjust to, isn’t it? It was a big eye opener to see how well our kids coped with us on holiday – they dodn’t really need us any more! They survived a whole week with just a few texts and a couple of skye chats. The best Skype chat was with our 14 year old son:

    Us: Are you missing us?

    Him: ‘spose.

    Yes, he does not use more sylables that absolutely necessary…

    • shadowrun300

      August 21, 2013 at 2:50 am

      It’s a good thing, right? That they don’t need us?
      Your son’s response is very much like my kids would respond. Although Link and Chip have been pretty good about using multiple words in their texts to me. I ‘spose it’s because they’re not under my wing anymore.
      Now that you know your kids will be alright if you leave, perhaps more holidays will be in store for the two of you!

  2. Abby

    August 20, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    It’s a difficult adjustment, for sure! We just have to remember that this is the natural order of things. I even tear up at other people’s fb posts about their kids, let alone mine! Keep on baking, it’ll help keep your mind off how quiet and clean things are.

    • shadowrun300

      August 21, 2013 at 2:55 am

      ugh. I’m so tired of baking! I’d love it if I didn’t have to work a full time job too. Yesterday Mario told me, “Mom. Don’t ever agree to this again.” Even she knows I need to learn to say no.
      BUT, it has kept me from realizing how quiet the house is. (It’s definitely not clean. I’ve made more of a mess baking than they’ve ever made! Well, almost.)

  3. The Thin Lady Inside

    August 21, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    You will be surprised! I know it seems impossible but you can handle more than you give yourself credit for! Yes it’s stressful but it too shall pass! Enjoy the baking! Get “in the zone” if you stress yourself out it will be that much harder! I wish I was there to help you bake… that way we’d have coffee (or water LOL!) and just have fun with it! Think of me while you bake and just enjoy the flour, the butter or whatever you’re using! You’ll do it… one cake at a time! Imperfection is ok! they are better like that! 😉 You’re not a factory… each homemade cake is unique even following the same recipe! and that’s what adds even more value! You rock! Big HUGS!!!!

  4. The Thin Lady Inside

    August 21, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Oh! And just know that *I* understand you! I can imagine how you’re feeling… it IS overwhelming… just the baking alone… oh my goodness! Add to it the fact that you’re going through the “other stuff” in your house, with your children… leaving… breaks my heart thinking about you… but you can handle that too… and you will find yourself happy and fulfilled again in the new stage of your life… it is hard… I can’t even imagine THAT part… but I send you my love and prayers!

  5. The Thin Lady Inside

    August 21, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Sorry… it’s me again… LOL! 🙂 I just left your blog, went to my fb and found this on my newsfeeds… so … I thought I’d share

    • shadowrun300

      August 22, 2013 at 1:11 am

      You are too funny! 🙂
      I enjoyed the baking, and making the frostings, but I HATED icing them. HATED IT! May sound harsh, but that’s the part that stressed me the most! I read all about it online, but actually doing it is a different story. I’d had no practice before this on making a smooth cake. I did get better with each cake, but still. I hope she’s okay with a LOT of imperfection. They’ll taste good anyway!
      And that mommy link is me exactly! Thanks for sharing it!

  6. lottajoy

    August 22, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    We are NEVER ready for this. I remember my daughter being SO PROUD of her new apartment as we moved her in…It was SO NEAT!! It was tiny, and NEAT!!

    Low and behold, she soon ran out of room and had to move to a LARGER apartment. Enter the furniture movers: her parents.

    Now, she’s in her 40’s, has an unbelievable career and is pulling in the big bucks. And her house looks like a goat exploded inside.

    • shadowrun300

      August 23, 2013 at 1:24 am

      MY house looks like a goat exploded inside. But with 2 gone, I’m hoping it gets better.
      The kids are very proud of their new places, so I keep reminding them they need to do well in school in order to continue to be on their own. As much as I miss them, I sure don’t want them living with me when they’re 25.

  7. agg79

    August 23, 2013 at 12:39 am

    Sorry, but I am with Lotta, you’re NEVER ready for this. We were lucky – we only had one son/child to deal with and eventually leave the nest. Not that there wasn’t a few tears shed when he moved off to college and got married (oh no, I didn’t get misty, NOt me). It is hard to see these little urchins grow up and take off on their own, even though, at times, you may want to help expedite the process. It is hard to see them leave the nest (at least in my mind it is) after all these years. The loss/absence of the kids being home coupled with the extra space at home and food in the refrigerator (not to mention time available) tends to make you feel a bit guilty. I know that Chip and Link will do well – they had great teachers.

  8. shadowrun300

    August 23, 2013 at 1:31 am

    I don’t know…. I think it would be harder with just one. They’re the first AND the last to go. And marriage? Well, I can only hope they find someone to share their life with. I’m sure I won’t cry then either. (ha!)
    As far as Link and Chip, well, we’ll see how well they do. Only time will tell.

  9. llcooljoe

    August 23, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Yeah I have all this to come with my two. My eldest has spent most of the summer away, and I have to say I’ve really missed her. Not the arguments and drama though. Well actually, even those. The empty nest syndrome is a tough one.

    • shadowrun300

      August 23, 2013 at 10:29 am

      I feel fortunate that I have 2 at home still. My daughter will be the last to leave, if things go well with Amp, and that will be the hardest. One because she’s my youngest, and two because she’s my only girl. I love my boys, but there’s a different bond between mother and daughter. Funny that we’ll even miss the drama, isn’t it?

  10. territerri

    August 23, 2013 at 10:24 am

    It takes some time to get used to. And you don’t ever really just get over that feeling of missing them. But little by little, the feeling of pride in what they’ve accomplished becomes more prominent than the feeling of sadness over the loss of their childhood. The sadness pops up now and again, but it won’t feel as overwhelming.

    When my oldest left for college, I seriously thought I would never get used to my kids being away from home. But I promise it does get easier.

    • shadowrun300

      August 23, 2013 at 10:32 am

      I know! You didn’t even cry this last time! 🙂
      And feeling proud and elated that they are happy and managing on their own has taken away most of my sadness. Saying goodbye was the hardest, for sure. Going through less dishes has been the best part!


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