Be my (perfect) guest

17 Apr

If you find yourself traveling to the St. Louis area and need a place to stay, you’re more than welcome to be my guest.  IF you follow a few guidelines…..

First, understand that if you try to check into the hotel at 9 in the morning, there is a very good chance we will not have a clean room for you.  Especially if we were sold out the night before.  Complaining that you requested an early check in won’t help you. We will NOT kick the previous guests out sooner just because you want to check-in now.  The previous guests have til 11:00 to check-OUT.  Please give us til at least 11:00 to check IN.  That being said, if we DO have a room ready to check into, I’m more than happy to do so!

Second, when you come to check in, expect me to take payment for your room up front.  Your assurance that you will bring your payment down when you come to check out is not enough.  I will either take your cash immediately or ensure your credit card has enough funds on it.  I’ll put a temporary hold on those funds so that you don’t gamble it away down the street, or buy a round of drinks at the stadium.  And if you think the hotel down the street isn’t doing the same, you’re mistaken.  The days of collecting payment at the end of your stay are long gone.  Movie theaters collect payment ahead of time.  Museums collect payment ahead of time.  Concerts collect payment ahead of time.  Hotels collect payment ahead of time.

Third, understand you are more likely to get what you want if you ask nicely.  Yes, expecting it and demanding it works too, but you’ll be bad mouthed after you leave, and your account will be flagged with all sorts of notes on your behavior.  If you come to the desk at a later time to demand something else, we’re more likely to fight back and say no.  It’s a two way street.  We’ll accommodate if you appreciate.


Fourth, please come prepared.  Of course, we expect you might forget your toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, or shaving cream, so we keep a supply of those at the desk.  We also have a stock of band-aids, sewing kits, ear plugs, matches, and pain meds.  However, we DON’T carry a supply of baking soda.  If you expect to need baking soda throughout your stay, please bring your own.

Finally, if the room you stayed all night in suddenly smells like pot, we’ll nod sympathetically while you go on and on about how disgusting you think it is, and then we’ll happily move you to the best room in the house and make sure you’re comfortable there.  But if you come down during the next shift to complain to them about finding pot in the new room, but you won’t let us send security up to check… well, we’re onto you.  Remember?  We flag your account.  ALL of us know your history.  Even so, if you threaten or complain, you’ll get your money back.  That’s just how we roll.

Now that you’re all studied up on how to be the perfect guest, come on down!  We’d love to have you!


*** Based on actual guests and events



Posted by on April 17, 2014 in The Hotel


Tags: , ,

14 responses to “Be my (perfect) guest

  1. agg79

    April 20, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    I still find it amazing that you are able to maintain that smiling, cheerful, positive attitude in the face of ALL of those challenges. I would either popped a blood vessel or responded in some totally inappropriate manner. I’ve seen a few of those PITAs in my travels and always felt sorry for the staff for the amount of crap that they sometimes have to put up with. I checked in behind one princes and she spent 15 minutes complaining about all of the problems during the last stay she has (not at THIS hotel) and how she expected better (like they can do anything about her last stay). When it came to my turn, I made sure my check in was a bit less dramatic. No whiney complaints, credit card and DL ready, rental car information, no wacky off the all demands. My only request was to be as far away from princess as possible.

    I like the ecard response plan (next to elevator, below the room full of kids, an 0400 wake up call) How about right next door to the ice machine as well? Payback can be a real b@$#%h.

    • shadowrun300

      April 21, 2014 at 1:01 am

      The worst are the guests who come in and demand we provide a better stay than their last hotel. We plan to anyway. Why not just let us… 😉
      When I check in guests like yourself, I tend to say ‘thank you’ with a great room, a free upgrade, or comp parking. And I often tell our good guests how much we enjoyed having them. It’s those guests who help me get through the few b@$#%y ones.

  2. Abby

    April 20, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Forget it. I’m not staying there. You don’t have baking soda.

    • shadowrun300

      April 21, 2014 at 1:04 am

      Well, I’m glad you found out before you made the big trip. Would hate to piss you off too.
      (And what are you using it for anyway??)

  3. territerri

    April 20, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    Seriously? What is WRONG with people? What happened to behaving respectfully and displaying good manners and being honest? And who the hell needs baking soda while at a hotel? Forget it. I don’t want to know. But don’t tell me there isn’t a store somewhere nearby where one might purchase baking soda instead of expecting the front desk to supply it.

    • shadowrun300

      April 21, 2014 at 1:08 am

      She was so upset to find out we didn’t have it! It was almost like she thought we were lying. (I don’t even want to take a guess at what she needed it for.)

  4. Ms. CrankyPants

    April 21, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Baking soda…that IS a disturbing request!

    • shadowrun300

      April 22, 2014 at 3:03 am

      Exactly! I’m scared to contemplate too long on why they wanted some – and so desperately too!

  5. Rock Chef

    April 23, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    I think that Mr and Mrs RC are good hotel guests.

    In Malta:

    We were happy with the room we were given (OK it was great!)
    We remade our bed and tried to keep our room nice.
    We cleared up the smashed glass in our room and beer it was holding.
    We apologised for the broken glass, and were happy that it became a running joke for the rest of the holiday.
    We were always nice and were treated accordingly. Seems that others have acted badly at that hotel and also been treated accordingly….

    In the end I think, like life in general, it comes back to treating others how you want to be treated!

    • shadowrun300

      April 23, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Well said! Some people think they need to strong-arm us into getting what they want, when really, if they asked nicely, there’d be no resistance at all. Of course, maybe they’ve had to do that before since some hotels are not as accommodating.
      Others are so disrespectful of our property and couldn’t care less about the destruction they’ve caused. I love the guests that come down and are so apologetic of something they broke or dirtied, etc. I always tell them not to worry, we’ll take care of it.
      Anyway, you guys sound like the perfect guest. Would love to have you sometime! 🙂

  6. Anita

    April 25, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    I’ve always had a problem with elitists or wanna-be-elitists.

    People actually think that they don’t have to pay up front! I wouldn’t have thought that. Thanks for the view from the other side of the desk.

  7. shadowrun300

    April 27, 2014 at 12:11 am

    It was all I could do to not come out and tell her how wrong she was. Her friend just sat quiet. SHE knew.
    There are SO many stories I could share from my side of the desk. They’d make great blog posts!

  8. llcooljoe

    April 27, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Wow I didn’t realise that you kept so many things at the desk, but no baking soda, really, how can anyone survive without it??

    • shadowrun300

      April 28, 2014 at 1:13 am

      I suppose that’s the question I want answered. I bake with it, and sometimes clean with it, but why is it a must in a hotel room? Maybe it’s best I don’t know…


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