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Category Archives: Humor

Every time feels like the first time

Especially when you don’t do it all that often.

It’s tough, you know?  Trying to find an hour or two to fit a quickie in.

If I’m tired, I have no desire to do it.  If I’ve been working a lot, I prefer to just sit on the couch.  And when the conditions are just right, and I finally think “today’s the day!”, then my hubby’s not home.  And although I’ve done it a few times by myself, it’s always more fun to do it with him.

So when this afternoon rolled around, and the kids were at band camp, and we had no desire to pack stuff up…

we did it.

And it was as exhilarating as always.

 

This is what I want to DO - all year round

We stopped at the lake and took a few minutes to watch the boats and listen to the seagulls.

Then we rode to Dairy King for some ice cream and a cold drink.

By this time evening was settling in.  The temperatures dropped a bit, and the ride home was cool and pleasant.  As I parked my Shadow in the garage I realized how much I had missed riding.  Hubby and I vowed not to wait too long before doing it again.  Heck, we may just do it again today.

Wild and crazy kids.

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8 Comments

Posted by on July 31, 2014 in Humor, motorcycle, My Shadow

 

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Check me out

Because I live so far from EVERYTHING, I will often stop for groceries on my way to or from work.

There’s one store in particular I just love.  It not only has a terrifically fresh produce section, and a great variety of organic and healthy foods, but it has a ton of self-checkout lanes too.

At the end of a long day at work, I’ve usually used up all my niceties, so the last thing I want to do is make small talk with a cashier.

Today, as I was checking myself out *ahem*, I heard an attendant ask “Do you need help?”

I looked to the register next to me.  An elderly lady, looking quite befuddled, replied, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.  It keeps telling me to place the item in the bag.  And I am….”

I looked closer.   In her left hand she held a bag.  She demonstrated to the attendant that she was in fact placing it in the bag.

The attendant explained patiently that she needed to place the bag on the scale in order for the register to recognize that the item was bagged.

The lady was a little embarrassed, but the attendant quickly assured her it was okay.  That she was there to help and was quite happy to do so.

I admired the lady for trying the self check out lanes at her age.  At times, they’re even frustrating to me.

self checkout 2

But at least I have yet to be embarrassed by them….

self checkout

 
12 Comments

Posted by on March 11, 2014 in Everyday Living, Humor

 

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I’m a brunette. Really I am.

“Is it plugged in?” he asked.

“OF COURSE it’s plugged in,” was my curt response.  “I checked all the connections before I called.”

“Well, maybe it’s not turned on.  Try pushing the button on the back just once.”

I tried to be patient.  “I did that already too, but I’ll try again.”

Nothing.

“HE” was the wireless internet help guy, and he was being very patient and kind.  However, I KNEW the problem was on HIS end, so I wanted him to quickly move past the trouble shooting steps on MY end.

But he wasn’t giving up.  “Recheck the connections,” he suggested.  “Where is the power cord plugged into?”

Ummm…. where IS the power cord plugged into?

Suddenly I realized how dumb I was about to look,  I immediately rambled on about how I had checked all the cords that were plugged in to make sure they were connected securely, but I never thought to check if a cord was missing.

Turns out, the power cord was missing.

omg.  I felt this big.

I tried to mumble some excuses like “This is usually something the kids take care of for me, and they’re all gone right now, and I was just wanting to check my email, and, tell my blog friends I bought a Rubik’s cube today, and, and…….”

Internet help guy did his best to make me feel better.  “Well let me just make sure that you’re logged in and that you have access, since you’ve got me on the phone.”

So now, I’m logged in, and I have access, and…

I bought a Rubik’s cube today.  I haven’t held a Rubik’s cube since I was 13.  Memories came flooding back as I handed it to my 15 year old daughter.  Memories of trying diligently to follow the directions in the box on how to solve the cube.  Memories of being so jealous of watching others solve it, and being so enamored that they could do it in the blink of an eye.

I could only solve it by unsnapping the individual cubes and putting them back in the right way.  A few times of doing that and the cube doesn’t turn as smoothly.  Just so you know.

Mario figured it out in a day.  Heck, if I’d have had the internet back then, I could have figured it out too.  Either way, I was impressed.  And then I find out Amp is well known at school for his ability to solve it quickly.  Really?  How did I not know this?  Of course, I’m not surprised.  He’s a direct descendant of Einstein, of that I’m sure.  Einstein was a high school drop-out, and Amp would be too if I let him.  Einstein was slow to talk.  Amp too.  Einstein liked haircuts.  Okay, so they differ there.

Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say.  I wanted to share with my friends how cool it is to have a Rubik’s cube in the house after all these years.

And now that I have, the internet can go away again.*

__________

*There is NO way that I mean that for real.
 
23 Comments

Posted by on February 21, 2014 in Blunders, Everyday Living, Family, Humor

 

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Twas The Day

Twas the day before Thanksgiving, when all through the house, the creatures were stirring, along with the mouse.  The laundry was hung on the back of the chairs, in hopes that the kids would bring them downstairs.

I snuggled in the chair in my kitchen unclean, while visions of recipes danced on the screen.  With the coffee done brewin’ I came out of my trance and finally settled in for my Pinterest romance.

I jotted down ingredients, one after another, then sprang from my chair to brave the cold weather.  Away to the bathroom I walked to get dressed, threw open the closet and got down my sweats.

The sun on the hood of my quite dirty car, sparked a very sad feeling in my car-loving heart.  When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Hubby in all of his winter gear.

He, the little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment he must be bored stiff.  We started our journey to the store with such hope.   We’d be back in a few.  Ha.  That was a joke.

Some turkey!  Some taters!  Some cornbread!  Some stuffing! Now load it, and stack it, and push it while huffing! To the front of the line!  Place it all on the deck!  “Now Hubby, go pack the car!  I’ll write the check!”

And then in a twinkling I heard the clerk say, “I’m so very sorry, I made a mistake.”  “I’ll need all your groceries to scan once again. Please go get your hubby and explain it to him.”

His eyes how they glared.  His frown so unhappy.  He shook with the effort not to get snappy.  The look in his eye and the droop of his head, soon gave me to know he was quite full of dread.

She spoke not a word and got straight to her work.  Rescanned and rebagged with another nice clerk.  And laying my hand on my hubby’s slumped shoulder, I gave him the nod to go out where it’s colder.

He sprang out the door, to the car he did fly.  He restuffed the trunk while I told the clerk “bye”.  And I heard him exclaim as we drove off the lot, “The next time you come here, you can bet I will NOT.”

 
18 Comments

Posted by on November 29, 2013 in Blunders, Holidays, Humor

 

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Neglect

When I was a little girl, I thought it would be so cool to have a real live plant in my room.  My parents, who knew way more about my abilities than I did, agreed to let me pick out a cactus.  Mom explained how it only needed a little bit of water, since it could store it in its stems.

I carefully placed it on my windowsill and gently placed a few drops of water in the pot.  That whole day I was a very dedicated plant owner.

I might have taken care of it for more than one day.  I don’t remember.  But I DO remember pulling up my shade one day and thinking Oh yeah!  I have a plant!

That plant, having been neglected for weeks, possibly months, was thriving.  It had grown almost twice it’s original size despite my neglect.  Or perhaps, because of it.

Many years later, I’m still neglectful of plants, trees, my garden, the lawn.  Until Hubby’s parents died and we inherited a few plants from the funeral, I’d given up on having plants in the house.  I realized how stress free it was to not have to care for yet one more living thing.  I figured it was more important to keep the kids alive.

So I let the plants go, and let the garden go, but kept the trees and the lawn (at Hubby’s insistence.)

We’re not huge care takers of our lawn.  We don’t water it, we rarely fertilize and spray for weeds, and we mow it only when absolutely necessary.  Yet it looks beautiful.

As I was out mowing today, it occurred to me how much nicer our lawn looks compared to our neighbor’s.  He’s a horticulturist.  His lawn should be putting ours to shame.  But his lawn gets mowed every other day by either him or his boys.   And they cut it short each time.

His lawn is very patchy, has lots of clover, and appears to be stunted.

Ours is virtually free of weeds, thick and green.  Seems like neglect is working in my favor again.  By letting the lawn grow, the thick grass is keeping out the weeds, and leaving us with a carpet-like lawn.   Not perfect.  But so much better than his.

What I don’t understand is why neglect isn’t working for my bathrooms.  I mean, I let them go for weeks, and when I go check on them, they’re not thriving at all.  Well, maybe something in there is thriving,  but it’s obvious they don’t like to be neglected.

So I guess neglect isn’t the answer to everything, although, after a few weeks of neglect my bathrooms look incredible when I finally do clean them.

housework

 
14 Comments

Posted by on July 17, 2013 in Everyday Living, Humor

 

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The Champ

I got in a fight with the lawn today.

Grass Wars

Grass Wars 2

Grass Wars 3

If you think I’m messed up, you should see the clumps I gave the other guy.

Lumpy

This all started because nobody had time to go out and mow it in between all the rains. So the grass took full advantage of the situation and grew and grew and grew.

Today, I decided to put an end to it all.  Early this morning, before the rains came, I took out my weapons. Knowing full well the grass would fight back by clogging up the mower, I had my hubby tie back the chute.

Powered with my mower, the gas can, and a stick, I stepped into the ring. 

I took most of my punches right away.  The grass was thick and slightly damp and clogged up the mower every few feet or so.  I managed to fight it off with my stick, pick myself up, and keep going.

As the fight went on, the grass began to weaken.  It no longer clumped up near the blades.  Instead, it fought back by flying out of the tied-back chute pummeling me in the face, the legs, the back…. no part of me was safe.

I didn’t back down, though.  Even when it began raining.  Even when the mower sputtered and ran out of gas.  I was determined to go at it til the very end.

As I cut the last blade off, I triumphantly pushed the the overworked mower through the drizzle and back to it’s resting place.

The After Shot

No sooner had I plopped down in my own resting place, did the rain begin to pour.   

With some clean clothes, dry socks and a hot cup of coffee, I celebrated my victory.

Of course the rain today will just cause another fight in the future, but for right now…

I am the Champ!

 
12 Comments

Posted by on April 23, 2013 in Blunders, Everyday Living, Humor

 

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Memo

To:  Blog Assistants

From:  ShadowRun300

Priority: HIGH

Would someone please work on getting ice cream approved as a recommended carb for runners?  Keep in mind this may be a very difficult task to accomplish, but could prove to be quite beneficial to me all of us.

As well, someone needs to let Mother Nature know that the heat’s not working in our Spring.  It’s been two days now.  We need her to send someone out to the midwest to take a look at it.  ASAP.

Finally, I would like someone to tell the nearby college that they no longer need to send me “we’re looking forward to seeing you on race day!” emails.  I’ve had something come up, so I will not be able to make my scheduled appointment this Saturday.  (No need to tell them I’m saving myself for bigger and better things.)

Thank you for your help in these matters.  Your assistance will not go unnoticed.

Gawd.  I’m really loving my new Supervisor role.

THIS is how you get stuff done.

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on March 21, 2013 in Humor, Running, The Hotel

 

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